Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
