I'm gonna have a badass scar
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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