Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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