I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
