She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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