Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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