Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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