next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
