May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
FUCK WHALES
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
