winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
