carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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