need another drink. this is the easiest way
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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