he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
