New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
