he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just gift wrapped bread.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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