I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
