just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
