but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
