I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
