youre lurking in front of me
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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