I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
