You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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