I looked at my own cervix.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
