And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
