so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
