I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
