24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
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