I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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