My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
