worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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