found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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