Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
