That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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