sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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