Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
