i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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