I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
