Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
