once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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