I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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