at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
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