I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
