I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
not ubering you a puppy
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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