then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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