You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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