my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
