If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
