Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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