I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
