im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I checked into jail on foursquare
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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